different view of going back to work from a mumma that has has to suffer from post natal depression, Something that myself have never had to deal with, So i thought why not let Letizia from Blesswithaiko have her say on the subject of going back to work.

I've been tossing around the idea of going back into work for a few months now.. I won't bore everyone with my post natal depression story but I've been suffering quite badly and one of the reasons why is because I've never not had a job. Even though people say being a mum is a full time job in itself it's just not the same as going out to work. I love going to work and not being confined to my house. Originally I wanted to stay off work until my daughter was 1. That soon changed after she was born. People have been trying to persuade me into not going back to work but i've known for a while now that I need it. Working is good for my mind. I've been out of work for 9 months. Don;t get me wrong, I love being with my daughter but sometimes I need to just get away. I'm alone with her 24/7 with no help as her dad works away 99.9% of the time and I think it's nice for us both to have a little time around others, especially now shes a little bigger and becoming more independent herself.

The only thing that is getting to me are the negative comments i've received  from both family/friends and random people. People always find a way to bring you down when your on a high. With the depression a small comment can be over thought and put you into a massive downward spiral, it makes you so sensitive to anything remotely negative. I've avoided leaving the house on so many occasions and going out, never mind going for a job interview. Can you imagine how hard it is to try and convince someone to like you when you don't even like yourself. I've gained so much weight, I've gone from a size 10 to a size 16 and my self esteem has never been so low. I used to dance and be so creative, I used to network and socialize so much. Now I don't even like to go out with friends. I don't go anywhere without the baby because I feel like with her people can at least think "oh she's fat because she hasn't long had a baby". It took so much to attend my interviews and try to find the old happy, self confident me, then people want to attack me for leaving my child and try to make me feel like a bad mother for wanting to provide for us and taking the next step to making myself better.
I had my training days on Friday and Saturday, they were full days and my goodness. What a shock to the system, but a good shock! I felt like a new woman with a new lease of life. The managers gave such inspirational talks and told us that they chose us because we were confident, intelligent and bubbly, all things I forgot about myself. The job role itself is just amazing and right up my street so I'm going to do everything in my power to prove to them and myself that they didn't make the wrong decision.

Going to work has been hard though, I found myself at my lunch times just watching videos of my little girl and missing her but i had to keep telling myself that it's only a day or two a week and that i get extra smiles and cuddles when I walk through the door. I really needed this change. I know my daughters in good hands and I just want all new mums to know that It's okay to leave your little ones to go back to work and it's also okay not to go back to work. We all know when were ready and other peoples opinions about how you parent or go about life should have no impact on the decisions you make. It's a massive decision and only you can make it.

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